NYC Voter Guide: Keeping It Sane in the Big Apple – 2025 Edition

Thought for 5s

NYC Voter Guide: Keeping It Sane in the Big Apple – 2025 Edition

Shoutout to Mike Solana and Pirate Wires for laying down the original blueprint – their guide is the sanity check this city desperately needs. We're building on that here with a straightforward rundown for November 5th, 2025. No frills, just clear picks for folks who want order, growth, and a functioning subway without the daily dodgeball game of needles and nonsense. New York's got a radical stranglehold – decades of socialist ground game turning the Democratic machine into a one-party fever dream. Sane voters are outnumbered, but we can snag a few wins. The philosophy? Back the not-insane: pro-cop, pro-builder, pro-kid-with-a-brain. The bar's low enough to trip over, so we're picking the ones who at least look up before jumping. Let's break it down, with a quip or two to keep from crying.

Mayor: Hold Your Nose for Cuomo

The top spot's a three-way circus: Andrew Cuomo, the comeback king with baggage heavier than a Times Square tourist; Zohran Mamdani, the DSA's eager beaver for "equity" that sounds like code for "everyone equally broke"; and Curtis Sliwa, the red-beret hero who once housed more cats than most people have houseplants.

Zohran's the nightmare fuel. He's gunning for $70 billion in new spending – that's your money – to build 200,000 low-income units, freeze rents (which magically makes housing scarcer and pricier, like putting a chastity belt on supply), and drop $6 billion on universal childcare with union-level pay for the staff. Oh, and cut NYPD funding by $1.1 billion? Replace them with "community safety" squads of unarmed mediators for mental health calls and "interrupters" for gun violence – because nothing says "stop the shooting" like a clipboard and good vibes. Prison abolition? Closing Rikers? Handing school control to hyper-local districts where the loudest voices win? It's like if Bernie Sanders and a bad acid trip had a love child. Zohran's not just left; he's orbiting Pluto.

Cuomo? The guy's got scandals that could fill a Netflix docuseries – nursing home fiascos during COVID, bail reforms that turned turnstiles into express lanes for repeat offenders. But he's course-correcting hard: rezoning for more density, including industrial zones, to flood the market with tens of thousands of rent-stabilized units. He's got a track record on big builds – think Moynihan Train Hall (stunning), the new Tappan Zee Bridge, and finally cracking open the Second Avenue Subway. Pledges 5,000 new cops, doubling specialized high schools, expanding gifted programs, and taking swings at the teachers' union. No to closing Rikers. Not a communist. In a field this thin, that's basically a unicorn.

Sliwa's the heartthrob: patrolled riots in 2020 when everyone else was Zooming from bunkers, wants 7,000 more officers, repeals those soft-on-crime reforms, boosts gifted education, and axes charter school caps. But he's got NIMBY blinders – opposing "overdevelopment" and City of Yes rezoning, which is basically volunteering to keep rents stratospheric. No real plan for subway expansion, either. Calls for him to drop out and hand it to Cuomo? That's just Democrats playing 4D chess with the GOP as pawns. Bottom line: Vote Cuomo. He's got the best shot at blocking Zohran, and he'd probably run a decent shop. (Though let's be real – Zohran's momentum means you're waking up to Mayor Gerbil either way. Pack your bags for Jersey?)

Public Advocate: Sit This One Out

Jumaane Williams is cruising to victory here, the DSA firebrand who's basically a full-time complainer with a city paycheck. This job? It's like electing a hall monitor who sues the principal daily – zero real power, all taxpayer-funded hot air. Why does it even exist? To give activists a megaphone while the subways turn into open-mic nights for the unmedicated. No endorsement. Honestly, just campaign to scrap the position altogether. Save the money for pothole filler.

Comptroller: Levine as the Lesser Evil

Mark Levine edged out Justin Brannan (Zohran's pick) in the primary, while Peter Kefalas is polling somewhere between "who?" and "pass." Levine's not perfect – he's got this weird idea of dipping into pension funds for affordable housing, which is like robbing Peter to pay for Paul's flophouse. But the rest? Solid on oversight, anti-corruption, keeping budgets from ballooning like a bad balloon animal. In a lineup of fiscal fireworks, he's the damp squib that might keep the next mayor from setting the books ablaze. Vote him – one semi-sane voice in the room couldn't hurt. (Fingers crossed it doesn't turn into a solo act.)

Manhattan DA: Maron to Clean House

Alvin Bragg's tenure is a crime wave highlight reel: up 16% in serious offenses citywide since 2021 (9% north Manhattan, 23% south), felony assaults back to late-'90s levels. His Day 1 memo? Basically a "get out of jail free" card for misdemeanors unless bundled with felonies – cue the shoplifting sprees that emptied shelves faster than a Black Friday stampede. And that Trump prosecution obsession? It didn't just fail; it supercharged his comeback. Bragg's the DA equivalent of a participation trophy – everyone gets a pass, except justice.

Maud Maron? She's the hammer we need. A prosecutor mom who's vowing to actually prosecute: no more kid-gloves for repeat players, full throttle on the low-level stuff that's turning neighborhoods into free-for-alls. This race matters – it's the front line against the chaos. Back Maron. (If only we could fast-track her to mayor – she'd have the subways running on time by Christmas.)

Borough Presidents: Fossella's the Lone Bright Spot

These roles are mostly ribbon-cutting ceremonies with a side of veto power – especially if Prop 4 passes (more later). Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens? No thanks. It's a buffet of bland bureaucrats and ideologues who'd rather virtue-signal than fix a single streetlight. Staten Island gets Vito Fossella: a straight shooter who fights for his car-heavy borough's fair shake, even if his anti-congestion pricing stance makes bridge commuters groan. (Hey, Vito – tolls aren't the devil; gridlock is.) Solid local focus. The rest? Skip – or start recruiting better.

City Council: Picking Winners in a Sea of Snoozes

51 districts, most locked by far-left lock-ins or union yes-men who treat "public safety" like a suggestion. My scorecard: safety first (always), then transit, education, housing without the "free for felons" fine print. Districts 6-9 and 11-17? Pro-crime playgrounds or soft-on-everything – hard pass. Too many blanks because half the field is either unelectable or unhinged. But here's the keepers, with a nod to the weird ones:

• District 1: Helen Qiu. Pro-growth without the growing pains – smart pick for downtown sanity.
• District 4: Virginia Maloney. She's all-in on public safety... mostly fighting e-bikes like they're the real enemy. (Priorities, Virginia – love the infrastructure vibe, though.)
• District 13: Kristy Marmorato. Tough on crime, no apologies. The enforcer we need.
• District 19: Vickie Paladino. A bit NIMBY, but she personally booted squatters from her block. Hero move – call her the Karen of justice.
• District 23: Linda Lee. Order-first Asian powerhouse; won't let chaos crash the party.
• District 24: James Gennaro. Veteran with real environmental chops, minus the eco-alarmism.
• District 29: Lynn Schulman. Safety hawk who calls out the crazies – refreshing.
• District 30: Alicia Vaichunas or Phil Wong. Rare wholesome race – both Bob Holden's mentees, equally solid. Flip a coin; you can't lose.
• District 43: Susan Zhuang. Immigrant success story crushing crime stats.
• District 44: Simcha Felder. Family-focused, anti-woke warrior.
• District 46: Athena Clarke. COVID-hardened fighter; a loose cannon on crime, but in a good way. Cautious yes.
• District 47: George Sarantopoulos. No-BS Greek grit for Queens.
• District 48: Inna Vernikov. Brilliant, Pro-cop, pro-Israel firebrand.
• District 49: Kamillah Hanks. Created a squatter task force? Instant legend status.
• District 50: David Carr. Media vet with street smarts.
• District 51: Frank Morano. Radio rebel exposing the absurd.

The skips? District 2's Zohran clones, District 3's Erik Bottcher (nice guy, but banning city water bottle buys while crime climbs? Come on), District 20's Sandra Ung (solid on litter, but too NIMBY for growth). NYC, step up your candidate game – or this is your forever playlist.

Ballot Proposals: Mostly Yes, One Big No

Teamed up with the Manhattan Institute (thanks, John Ketcham) for the deep dive – we align on most, but I broke ranks on Prop 2. Here's the scorecard:

• Prop 1: Yes. Statewide fix for the Adirondack Olympic complex – keeps the sports haven legal on "forever wild" land. Build more fun; who could hate that?
• Prop 2: No. Speeds up 100% affordable projects (60% AMI low-income, 15% for homeless) in prime spots. MI likes the private funding boost via tax credits and faster approvals – fair point, it could pencil out better. But it's a Trojan horse for more subsidized sinks without touching market-rate builds. Zohran's "free bus rides stop assaults" logic in policy form: rewards the wrong crowd, burdens the builders. Pass – we've got enough net drains.
• Prop 3: Yes. Streamlines reviews for smaller housing and infra. Boring process tweak, but boring wins elections.
• Prop 4: Yes. Creates an Appeals Board (Mayor, Council Speaker, Borough Prez) to override Council vetoes on affordable projects 2-1. Shrinks the clown council from 51 to three decision-makers – more accountability, less hiding behind "community input." Zohran risk? Sure, but he'll burn out eventually.
• Prop 5: Yes. Digitizes the city's official map. Nerdy upgrade that makes changes easier – why not?
• Prop 6: Yes. Moves local elections to even years, syncing with presidentials. Saves cash, might water down the odd-year radical surges with casual voters. San Francisco tried it; no apocalypse. (Though if it pulls in more "I voted because Trump was on the ballot" types, fingers crossed for moderation.)

Wrap-Up: Vote Smart, Then Build the Machine

New York's the heartbeat of America – right now, it's skipping beats under socialist strain. This ballot's no miracle cure, just stitches on a stab wound. Go Cuomo (gag reflex included), Maron (fist pump), those Council standouts, and the Yes brigade. Then the real work: Fund sane challengers, expose the extremists, primary the posers. Solana and Pirate Wires started the spark – fan it into a fire. Your city's worth saving. Get out there November 5th, and maybe, just maybe, we'll wake up to a skyline that shines again. (Or at least one without fresh graffiti every dawn.) Who's ready to fight?